Seeking Solitude
by SnowHelm
Summary: It's been a hard few months and all Nathaniel wants is silence and solitude, until his best friend reminds him why company has its virtues.


_**Disclosure: **__I do not own Dragon Age Awakenings or any of its characters._

**xXx**

Nathaniel watched the body's burn, his mind numb with the horror of all they had witnessed. He glanced away from the horrific scene as the Warden Commander rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, there is nothing more we can do here."

Nathaniel lingered only a moment before following the others. He heard the talk around him; the banter meant to raise their spirits, but he wanted no part of it. They had been too late to be of any help and it tore at his soul. They had seen the smoke as they crested the hill; the farmhouse already blazing, the field next to it soon to follow. He wished to drown himself in silence; to banish the noise of screams and the clash of blades, the sound of steel ripping through flesh. He wanted to lock the door to his room and forget the world outside existed even if only for a few hours.

They reached the Keep as the sun was dipping beneath the horizon, aching and weary. Nathaniel felt no comfort in the embrace of the walls of his family home. He left the others; declining an invitation to drink once he had cleaned up. He headed for the stairs, for silence and solitude and with luck blessed sleep.

**xXx**

Anders lay on the bed running his fingers against Ser Pounce A Lot's ears as his furry companion purred loudly, paws padding gently as he shifted slightly to make himself more comfortable on the mages bare chest. Anders drifted, only waking properly when he heard the sounds of footsteps and muted conversation entering the Keep. His room was closest to the stairs and he recognised Nathaniel's weary steps. Moving Pounce; Anders pulled on a tunic, his companion winding around his ankles, tail hooking around his leg. Hearing the click of a door shutting as he opened his own and the thump of a pack hitting the floor Anders made his way to the room adjacent to his and knocked.

Nathaniel gave a soft groan and moved to the door casting weary eyes on Anders as he opened the door. "Anders I'm exhausted can we talk tomorrow?"

Anders took in his ragged appearance; his hair lank with sweat and dirt, blood staining his face and armour. He smelled of smoke and blood and sweat. "Maker's breath you're a state!"

Nathaniel forced a smile. "Thank you for stating the obvious."

"You need a bath, move aside."

Knowing there was no way of stopping his friend when he was like this Nathaniel let him in, Pounce as always darting ahead. Within minutes Anders had filled the bath and heated the water, Nathaniel realising how grateful he was for the help to remove his armour.

"Go and soak, I'll be in to check you over in a minute."

"Anders that's really not necessary." He relented under Anders intense gaze. "Healer knows best I know." He took himself into the other room; wincing as he pulled the tunic over his head, the gash in his arm protesting. Slipping into the water he sighed in pleasure as the heat worked to penetrate his aching muscles. He heard the door open and close realising Anders must have left. Surprised, but grateful for the few moments alone he closed his eyes feeling the swell of emotions surge through him.

He had seen corpses before of course, but seeing what the Darkspawn had done to those who had lived on the farm had left him sickened. He knew it was because of the body of the dark haired woman and the new born. All he could see was Delilah and his nephew and it had awakened a deep fear within him. He ducked under the water not hearing Anders return as he broke the surface of the water wiping his face with aching fingers.

Nathaniel gave a shuddering breath and drew his knees to his chest, silent tears finally falling. His thoughts lingered on his family and the pain of his father inevitably pushed itself to the foreground of his thoughts. His father had been hard to please; as had his mother, but he had loved him deeply. Rendon had redeemed their family's honour in his youth, only to turn traitor under King Cailan's rule. Returning from the Free Marches aching to reconnect with his family; Nathaniel discovered instead that his father had slaughtered the majority of the Couslands, only Fergus had survived and that by sheer luck. Rendon had been killed by the man who was now his Commander, a fierce battle mage who had earned his place through blood and sacrifice. He had thought to kill him once; now he had only respect for the man who had given him a second chance, the man who had reminded him what honour was. He had been given a purpose, a way of redeeming his family name and so he had taken the drink from the chalice that would inevitably lead to his own death.

In the weeks that had followed he had found little to soothe his broken heart and then he had discovered Delilah had not been killed in the Blight as he had believed. His heart had flared with hope and it was Anders who had gone with him to Amaranthine to seek her out. Anders who was as opposite to him in appearance as he was in personality. While Nathaniel hid his pain behind stoic silence; Anders hid his behind a ready smile and humour that had irritated the rogue at first, but now he appreciated and often sought it out when even he could no longer tolerate his own dark moods. Of course Anders was now a package; always at his side was his feline terror, but Nathaniel had come to appreciate Pounce, particularly when a well-placed tickle to the chin elicited a deep purr of contentment that made warmth bloom within him. Anders was the friend he had never anticipated and regularly thanked the Maker for. He had seen Delilah at Amaranthine's market and it was as though the light of the Maker himself was shining from her. Even as he had embraced her a part of him had not dared to believe she was real. They had spoken at length and he came to understand the full extent of his father's betrayal and he was heart sore. He took comfort in that Delilah was truly happy; though at first he had not understood, had in fact questioned her choice of husband, but Albert was a good and kind man, a man who was everything their father had never been.

He gave a choked sob as he remembered holding his day old nephew in his arms only weeks ago, gazing at the beautiful boy knowing the awful truth that he was unlikely to ever have his own child. The idea that his beautiful nephew could be taken from the world was too much to bear. He jumped violently as hands rested on his shoulders; Anders magic and soft voice attempting to calm him, but he couldn't stop. Years of suppressing his emotions, months of being faced with horrors that sought to kill them at every turn and the new fear for his regained family left him raw and pained. He let out a wretched sob, burying his face into the crook of Anders arm as they encircled him.

Remaining silent Anders let Nathaniel cry, feeling the tension finally begin to ease and the shuddering become a more natural rise and fall. When Nathaniel took a deep breath Anders did a quick scan sending a trickle of regeneration through him. "Get dried and dressed then I will deal with your arm."

"It's nothing." Nathaniel murmured.

"Indulge me." Anders stated softly, smiling at Nathaniel's slight nod.

Nathaniel entered the bedroom moments later shaking his head slightly seeing Pounce sprawled across his bed. "Making himself at home I see."

"Always." Anders grinned and gestured to the seat by the fire.

Nathaniel sat down heavily; accepting the ale Anders passed to him, noticing the tray of food. He trembled slightly as his friends skilful hands sought out the wound on his arm, the skin knitting effortlessly together beneath his touch.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Nathaniel didn't, but he found himself speaking regardless. Talking of the torn bodies; of the baby wrenched from its mothers arms and then he was weeping again, his head falling onto Anders shoulder, grateful for the arms that held him. "Forgive me." He whispered.

"For what? For being human?"

Nathaniel glanced up and gave a weak smile. "My father would call this weakness, the wailing of a woman."

"Well in case you hadn't noticed I'm not your father."

Nathaniel chuckled. "Thank the Maker for small mercies."

"You should eat and then rest, I will leave you in peace."

Nathaniel clutched his wrist as Anders made to move away from him. "Have you eaten?"

"I'm happy to stay if you would like company."

"Good, then sit with me and help me forget my dark thoughts."

The two men talked long into the night. Some tears were spilled; but they gave way to smiles and finally laughter, until Nathaniel's exhaustion engulfed him and Anders gently helped him to the bed, putting Pounce on his shoulders and heading towards the door when Nathaniel was settled. "Sleep well Nate."

"Anders."

Turning from the door the mage smiled. "Ummm?"

"Thank you."

"That's what friends are for Nate."

Nathaniel sank into sleep a smile on his face, the warmth of friendship protecting him in his dreams.


End file.
